Remember when Joe Biden was courting billionaire donors for the 2020 election and promised them that if he were elected, nothing would fundamentally change? I suppose that's one campaign promise he kept.

The Democratic Party despises change. They want tomorrow to be largely the same as yesterday. In any sane country, they would be the conservative party. The United States is not a sane country.

Despite what the media and pundits would have you believe, our two-party system is not left vs. right, or liberal vs. conservative. It’s conservative vs. theocratic fascism.

Depressing as hell, isn’t it? When there’s no one out there representing your interests, it’s tempting to throw up your hands and just sit it out. After all, your vote is an endorsement, right? Maybe the Democrats will learn their lesson if they lose, realizing they should actually support progressive change… or at least be a little less genocide-y.

I can guarantee that they will not. The Democratic Party will blame their loss on progressives and leftists, and in the next election, they will only become more conservative. They will always prefer appealing to conservatives rather than progressives. It’s the path of least resistance, and frankly, from a purely Machiavellian standpoint, it makes sense. The U.S. has a lot more conservatives than progressives. And if progressives don’t like it, what are they going to do… Vote third party? LOL.

As shitty as it is, there are only two outcomes to tomorrow’s election: things stay pretty much the same, or things get unimaginably worse.

The idea that both political parties are largely the same is a popular one. That’s why we got “Douche and Turd” from South Park and the above Kang vs. Kodos election on The Simpsons. (Treehouse of Horror VII aired in 1996, by the way. This was a common enough sentiment to hang a joke on even back then, in arguably the most successful TV show of all time.)

Looking at this election, it’s tempting to draw the same conclusion. One party enthusiastically supports the genocide of the Palestinian people, and the other party enthusiastically supports the genocide of the Palestinian people but would prefer you didn’t draw attention to it. And, of course, both are pro-capitalist to the core and in the pocket of billionaires.

It’s true that both parties suck, but I am begging you to compare the differing degrees of suckage. Let’s look at a few examples.

If the Democrats win, they likely won’t make it harder for people to control their own bodies. They may even propose legislation to make access to abortion the law of the land, but don’t count on it. Governing is, like, really hard, guys.

If Republicans win, even more pregnant people will die needlessly in hospitals as doctors are too afraid to perform life-saving treatments that could land them in jail. People who have miscarriages will continue to be treated as murder suspects. Those with functioning wombs will find that they no longer belong to them but to the state. And the state wants babies.

If the Democrats win, they will continue making flaccid promises to address climate change and may even take minor steps to do so.

If the Republicans win, environmental regulations will be gutted, and the pace of climate change will only accelerate.

If the Democrats win, the murder machine known as capitalism will keep on chugging. The economy will likely proceed unchanged, which means your boss is less likely to get spooked by a very scary picture of a line going down and therefore less likely to initiate mass layoffs.

If the Republicans win, the economy will be destroyed. Inflation will skyrocket. It will suck for everyone who doesn’t have millions or billions of dollars to shield them from the consequences. Economists largely agree on this point. Even most billionaires agree on this point (just not the visibly obnoxious ones). Their plan is economic suicide.

If the Democrats win, they will continue helping Ukraine repel the Russian invasion—just not too much, in case they make Putin too mad. They will continue paying lip service to peace while shipping billions of dollars to Israel so it can continue committing genocide.

If the Republicans win, Ukraine will be delivered on a silver platter to Donald’s BFF Vladimir. Israel will be loudly encouraged to commit genocide even faster.

I haven’t even touched on the horrors in store for the LGBTQ community and other minorities, but I don’t have the stomach to continue. Suffice it to say, basically everything will get worse for anyone who does not hold a position of power and influence.

I don’t live in a swing state. My vote is meaningless to the outcome of this election. But tomorrow morning, I will cast my vote for Harris, hating myself the entire time. I will do it to add one more tally to the number of people who say, “No thanks on the fascism, actually.” Because that is the least I can do.

Remember how I said earlier that Democrats will only get more conservative in the next election if they lose?

That was a lie. That would have held true in the past. But once the fascists seize power, they have no intention of relinquishing it. They are openly planning to replace any federal employee who will not kowtow to their every whim. They are in favor of minority rule, and they are no longer shy about it.

So please. Vote in this election. Vote for things to stay the same. The alternative is so much worse.

Donald McRonald Trump is a senile old narcissist. I'd call him a fascist but that would imply he has the capacity to hold an ideology. As that guy from the Big Lebowsky once said, "Say what you will about national socialism, but at least it's an ethos." Trump's only motivations are avarice and vanity. He's more than willing to cater to the white nationalist and various other scum, but only because he finds them an easy mark.

Future Vision Activate!

Despite this, he manages to scrape up enough votes to win the electoral college again--at least, with the help of some friendly governors who are willing to find a few more votes this time.

Democrats are outraged, of course. A huge protest is planned for inauguration day. Big name celebrities and politicians attend. People are chanting and waving picket signs. Immediately following the inauguration ceremony, police start indiscriminately cracking skulls. Bernie Sanders and Lin Manuel Miranda are beaten on live TV. The newscasters keep excitedly broadcasting until the tear gas, pepper spray, and police batons start raining down on them. The live feeds go dark.

Don't worry though, there's a 50% chance none of that will happen until the next election.